The intervention was scheduled for 11 am on Saturday. Richard would invite David to play an early round of Golf at the Traverse City Country Club and they would be home no earlier than 11.
As they pulled into the drive David noticed all of the cars and his first thought was “Whose birthday is it? – It’s not mine – I’m in September”
“What the hell is going on Richard – do you know – why all the cars here?” David asked – still looking at each car; Chuck Harris, Sara, Stacy, Rachael - shit even Bill Dobbs
When they walked through the front door David could see the living room had been turned around a bit – then he saw Stacy, Susan, Ronny, Nate, a man he did not know, Rachael, Sara, Chuck Harris – his best friend and Bill Dobbs all were sitting around the living room in a circle.
“Hey - wow – what are you guys doing – having a Tupperware Party?” David joked.
Then he stopped – “Oh shit, who died?” and he was serious.
Then the man he did not know stood up and introduced himself.
“David, I’m Ron Barry – I am an intervention counselor – I have been asked by your family and your friends to arrange this opportunity for you to examine your drinking and to listen to each of them so they can tell you how your drinking and your behavior has been affecting their lives”
David was stunned – he couldn’t talk – He turned to Richard and said – “This is a joke right?”
“No, David – this
isn’t a joke’ – Richard responded sharply, and turned and walked away, as he had been instructed, and sat down next to Stacy.
David looked around – no one was speaking . . .
“Shit . . . you’ve got to be kidding? My drinking? Come on – Jesus - what . . . because I forget what I have done a few times – cause sometimes I talk loud or get a bit nuts and stay out late - fall asleep on the lawn – MY LAWN – hey who do you think pays for all of this stuff you are sitting on – who do you think . .” - - he stopped - - “this is bull shit – you guys can have your intervention but I’m not having anything to do with it” and he walked into the kitchen
Ron spoke to everyone – “Now listen – remember - this is one of the reactions I told you could happen – you need to stay around and do not say anything to David - this may take a while - I will call you back if and when he is ready – if you need to go the bath room do it now – Susan come with me.”
Ron and Susan walked into the kitchen – David had just opened a beer and had half of it down by the time Ron Spoke.
“David . . ” – Ron stopped – “David you don’t know me - and I don’t want this to sound presumptuous – but I understand you David - I am just like you . . . what I mean . . .” - he started to speak again but he could see that David was shaking and tears were starting to whelm up in his eyes.
“Oh yeah” David said glaring at the stranger – “you don’t understand me - you don't even fucking know me, man – you have never seen me before” – he took another big gulp of his beer and finished it and opened the refrigerator door and pulled out another.
“Shit – I am not doing this. – You think you are going to make me feel guilty, embarrass me – having all of my family and friends come over here – listen man”– David stopped –
“What’s your name?” David asked
“Ron”
“Listen Ron – I like to drink from time to time – it relaxes me – I have fun with it and sure there have been times when I can say that my behavior has been out of line but – but ask Susan, she can tell you – I can stop when I want - hell I did it right before the family 4th – you remember - tell him Susan” – (he knew he just lied – but what do they know? no one knew)
“And Susan, you and I have been having our talks about this - and hell - - - I thought we had an agreement - - - I thought we agreed that I could drink as long as it wasn’t a problem” – and then David’s voice became intense - “Oh I get it - you and this Alanon shit - those bitches put you up to this didn’t they?” - He moved toward her aggressively. – Susan stood her ground, staring right back at David and remaining silent as Ron had instructed.
“Oh, come on honey – I can’t do this – I just can’t” David said
“You guys can do what ever you want – but I’m not coming in that room.” He walked over to the corner and looked out of the patio door on to the back lawn.
Ron turned to Susan and said – “Susan, please let David and I have a moment.”
Susan returned to the living room - visibly shaken and trying not to show it - but the tears were flowing silently – as she sat down.
Stacy looked over to her and whispered – “Susie, you can do this - we are here for you.”
Ronny said loudly – “I don’t like this – this isn’t fair – Dad isn’t a drunk and I’m sorry I said it” –
Susan said – “Sweetie, come on over here – it’s ok.
Ronny sat up, folded his arms tightly and said “No, I’m ok mom – I can do this – I just don’t like it. And I’m mad at myself for telling dad he’s a drunk.”
Ron said to David – “Let’s go out on the deck for a minute – I need to tell you what is happening here from my point of view. And I also will make this commitment to you now – if after we talk - and you are clear as to the situation - and you want me to leave I will – I will go in the living room get my things and walk right out that front door and you will never see me again – but I want you to just listen to me David – OK?
“Shit” – David was beginning to sense the mass of seriousness this moment had for his family – and deep down inside, almost conscious, but not yet - was a feeling of relief – but not yet.
“Ok – sure – but I’m gunna get another beer – this is really pissing me off”
“Sure – no problem” Ron said
David went to the refrigerator and opened it up - but as he reached for the beer – he hesitated - for the first time - in the moment - he could see himself – he could see and feel and remember the thousands of times he had opened that door – he felt that joyful feeling of what opening that door meant to him – the sense of relief that he knew was inside that door - and what that feeling was - what reaching and holding that cold beer felt like – but in this moment he had stopped – almost frozen in time - ever so briefly like a passing car - he could see his defiance – he felt his attitude of almost disregard and unclear thought – but then it was all gone.
“Shit man – oh shit – I just can’t keep doing this - this isn’t right” he thought briefly.
He left the beer, closed the refrigerator and walked to the deck and Ron.
But then two steps before the door he stopped and said “This is all bullshit” and he turned – guzzled down the beer he had in his hand and went right back to the frig and took out one more – thinking “I’ll drink this - I’ll listen to this Ron guy and go to the living room and get this over with”
When David got out on to the porch he said – “Ok man let’s go – I’ll listen and we’ll just get this over with. So come on.”
Ron said calmly – "If you don’t mind David, I’d just like to slow down a bit . . . sit out here with you for a minute and calm down – I’m a bit nervous too."
“Want a beer?” David laughed
“Yeah.” Ron said – “but actually scotch is my drink of choice.”
“Really? You want a glass of scotch?" David asked half serious.
“Hell yeah I do – from time to time - I’d love to be able to just sit back and have a drink of Johnnie Walker on the rocks.” Ron said - with a dreamy look in his eyes.
“Well I don’t have any Johnnie Walker – but I have some Dewar’s – never drink the stuff my self – hate it”. David said.
“But you see, David – I don’t want one glass I want 10 glasses.” Ron said.
“I know what you mean.” – said David
“You know what I miss though?” – said Ron.
“What?” said David
“I miss the sound of the ice cubes hitting the glass – you know that sound - that crystal ringing sound – it was part of the foreplay of my drinking – and then I’d pour my Black on them and as I drank I’d slightly shake the glass so I could hear that sound – yeah . . . I miss that.” Ron reminised.
David – was silent – he had never heard anyone talk about his drinking with such a feeling of romance for alcohol.
“But, you don’t drink anymore do you - right?” David asked
No – David – it’s been 22 years now.
“What! 22 years without even a sip – Oh, come on man – that’s hard to believe.” David said
“Yeah, 22 years.” Ron said
They sat there – in silence – David hadn’t taken even a sip of his beer.
He wandered off somewhere – the wind from the bay brought the smell of fall and the trees and their leaves rustled. David looked up as the sun shone through the autumn colored branches resting on his face – he gave his face to the rays and slowly closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Ron looked at David, and his thoughts went to God - and a prayer came to his heart asking God for the strength help him and David now in this moment – he closed his eyes too.
Time stood still for Ron and David – there was peace and serenity in the space.
After a few minutes David spoke – “Ok Ron, tell me – what is happening?
“David - I am going to say some things to you - and well - they may seem harsh and cruel and disrespectful - But, what I want you to know is that - I do know you - I know you as one like myself David - and you are sick. You are an alcoholic and you are sick. Do you know that?” Ron asked.
“No!!” David said with a humph in his voice. – “I don’t think I am an alcoholic – I mean, come on man – alcoholics – sleep under bridges – they carry their cheap wine around in a brown paper bags – they get multiple DUI’s, they beat their wives – and abuse their kids. I don’t do any of that.” David said.
“I do agree from time to time I drink too much – but I’m
not an alcoholic Ron.” David replied.
“David” Ron said “Let me ask you 20 questions and then I’ll tell you what is waiting for you there in your living room”.
“Ok – Shoot – do I get extra credit if I get them all right?” David said jokingly
“Well, not too many get 100 % but if you do – I’ll be shocked.” Ron said
“So David:
"Do you lose time from work due to drinking?"
“You mean, have I stayed home because of a hangover? – Ok yeah.”
"Is drinking making your home life unhappy?"
“To Susan it is" Said David
“How about the boys and Richard?” Asked Ron
“Ok – yeah” David admitted.
"Have you ever felt nervous and wanted a drink to calm you down?"
“Sure – OK – yes on that one”
"Is drinking affecting your reputation?"
“How do I know? I know Richard is pissed" – but then he thought of the bankers meeting when Rick Stackhouse commented “off the record” that the couple of the guys were hesitant on the last loan because of roomers of his Family 4th event about both him and Robert – passing out on the lawn – the drunk tank – the last 5 family 4ths – he stopped there.
“Ok – yes.”
"Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?"
“Yes”
"Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?"
He remembered the biker bar and the fight - he liked those places, they were bizarre , crazy fun.
"Yep" - he said drifting off
"Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?"
He thought of Ronny and Nate’s football games he missed this fall - how Ronny was so upset when he came to the first game of the season drunk.
"Ok - yes"
“How am I doing so far?” David sarcastically jokes - submitting to the obvious and feeling lighlty amused.
“I think you are getting an A so far.” Ron said
“A like in
Alcoholic, Ron?” Both David and Ron chuckled lightly.
"Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?"
He thought of the Dallas drunk tank fiasco - but he knew only he and Robert were aware of the real details.
"No." - he lied.
"Has your ambition decreased since drinking?"
"No, not that I’m aware of"
"Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?"
"You mean – like every night? - No"
"Do you drink because you are shy with other people?"
“Na – I like to drink at parties and with business associates – but I’m a pretty naturally confident, agressive and outgoing guy.” David clarified
"Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?"
“No”
"Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?"
“What do you mean?”
“Well have you been less effective at work.” Ron clarified
“Hell no – if anything – I get ballzier, take more risks, think outside the box and push for projects which sometimes my brothers will sit on when I have a few. - So, no.”
"Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?"
"No – I don’t think so."
“Alright - I think I’m gunna get a C, Ron” - David joked
"Do you want a drink the next morning?"
“Well, hell yea, if I drank too much – a few beers helps take the edge off - ya know - hair of the dog.”
"So, yes."
"Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?"
"Well duh! – me and 100 million other people drink after work sometimes and on TGIF days – So yeah - but I’m not alone on that"
"Do you drink alone?"
"No – not really - well there have been a few times"
“So – no – not my usual style.”
"Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?"
"uh yeahhh – that has happened to me more than I would like lately - but shit almost everyone I know who drinks has had that one from time to time.” - he justifies
'Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?"
“No”
"Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?"
“No - Ok – yeah.” he admitted.
"Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?"
“No.”
"So, no jail or drunk tanks?" Ron asked
“How did you hear about that - shit, did Susan tell you everything?”
“Ok, yes.” David admitted
“Well, by my count you answered yes to 12 and maybe to 3” Stated Ron
“Yeah, and what does that tell you?” David asked.
“Well, these test questions are used by Johns Hopkins University Hospital in Baltimore and health professionals to help them in deciding whether or not a patient is alcoholic.” Ron explained.
“If you answered yes to one of the questions, this is a warning that you may be an alcoholic. If you answered yes to any two, there's a good chance that you are an alcoholic. If you answered yes to three or more, you are definitely an alcoholic.” Ron stopped.
David – was listening and waiting for more – Ron waited
“So - you are saying that Johns Hopkins says I’m an alcoholic – right?” David half kidding inquired.
“David – your family is very worried about you – they love you, but your behavior when you drink is causing them to feel afraid - and from what they have told me - well frankly they feel upset almost constantly now - they can't trust you and what you'll say or do and they cannot continue to live with you if you do not choose to stop your drinking - and I don’t mean slow down, David, or change pace or change types of alcohol – I mean stop completely and permanently.” Ron Said
“What are you saying?” David stared intensely at Ron and standing up. “Are you saying that Susan and the boys are not going to live with me - what are you saying?” David asked.
“David – here is what is waiting for you in your living room – your friends and family need to tell you how they feel about you – how they feel about your drinking and how your drinking behavior effects them. Can you go back in there an allow them to do that?” Ron asked.
David who still hadn’t taken a sip of his beer for the last 10 minutes – paused – now he took a sip – semi-consciously.
“And, if I won’t?” He asked.
“David – do you love your family and those friends in there?” Ron asked.
“Come on Ron – don’t bate me like that– of course I love my family.” David said
“Look David, - this is the hard part – you know Susan has been talking to you about your drinking for several years, right? And about 2 months ago she got off of the anxiety medicine the doctor gave her and started to go to Alanon - Right?” Ron asked
“Yes” David responded, looking down - starting to feel that new strange feeling of something is coming - something . . . he wanted it . . . - he instictively took a deep pull on his beer closing his eyes - taking a deep breath w an ever so soft moan of release
“David, . . . I have to tell you that this type of intervention most of the time doesn’t really work.” Ron said.
“What do you mean?” David asked
“Well, Susan and Richard and Ronny and Sara have told you many times that your drinking has been bothering them - Right?” Ron asked
“Yes.”
Ron continued. “Listen David – today’s type of intervention is where you did not know this was going to happen – and maybe you feel . . . well - ambushed”
“Maybe?” David exclaimed.– “I am ambushed, Ron”
“Ok – but Susan’s, or Richard’s or Sara’s talking to you has not changed you - and all of the evidence that you are an alcoholic has not changed you.” Ron restated.
“Hey look Ron – you are calling me an alcoholic and I am not agreeing on that.” David objected.
“Ok – Ok – look - is it true of you, that you are not really listening to them and stopping your drinking?” Ron asked
“Yes” – David said.
“And is it also true - you do not want to stop - do you?" Ron said clearly.
“Well - truthfully?” David hesitated “No, I don’t.”
“So – well – David – look” Ron gathered his thoughts – “. . . sometimes in an intervention the alcoholic is in on the intervention session - but today is your family’s last attempt to help you understand the seriousness of your drinking to them. And now you can choose to either go in there and allow your loved ones to talk to you - or not.” He said
“What will it be?” - Ron asked.
David looked off over the bay - the breeze kicked up - his hair blew back - there was a deep rush of calm - an audible stillness to which David's whole body lightly jerked - he now noticed and clearly saw for the first time . . . he was helpless . . . yes, he could simply see that . . . helpless to change any part of the situation. . . helpless to change how others felt. . . helpless to change how he felt . . . he saw his compliance to arrive at this very destination . . . he was helpless to change any of his past choices to make this situation different . . . he saw he was always helpless . . . helpless . . . he now understood helpless. . .helpless was real . . . reality felt good . . . yes reality felt safe - he relaxed - he wanted to celebrate and a beer would be great . . . what. . . what was that . . . oh yeah . . . something good
Lightly entranced David slowly glanced down - noticed his beer was empty - a sharp cramp immediately reminded him he had to get up and do something else but get a beer - he remembered
“Ok – let’s get this over with.” David relented.
