CHAPTER 108

David’s eyes filled with tears as he felt the arms of Susan and the children. . . .all of David’s senses were filled with the clear warmth of understanding acknowledging what this moment signified for all of them.

Sober – present – gratefully aware that each moment now always provides so much information including the silent instruction of when and how to act - so as to be free in his authentic feeling while prepared for anything to occur. . . . yes acceptance and allowance was now David’s understanding . . . he was now capable to see, feel and understand each moment with all that is true - including his thoughts and feelings . . .it all arose in his life - as his life – as life itself . . . he understood the gift of being here and now

David’s eyes slowly opened – no one was moving – there was a powerful silence and stillness embracing him and his family . . .Susan, Ronny, Nate and Sarah were deeply surrendered to the embrace of each other – almost being breathed by a force unseen.

Outside in the circle drive a cab pulled up and a man in his 40’s got out . . . reaching through the passengers window to pay . . the trunk opened and the man moved to the back – reaching into the trunk pulling out an Army issue duffel and carry on flight bag – as the cab pulled away – the man looked around and walked over to the wooden bench laying the bag against the huge Oak tree – and sat down

David watched – time seemed to stand still again – David was used to that now as he saw it all unfolding – David knew he was being engaged to be the observer – although too far away to hear it was clear what the man was feeling and what he said – “Fuck – Fuck – now what???” – as he sat down his - head thrown back looking up into the expanse of the great tree David could see that this man relaxed a bit and for a brief moment grazed up through the leaves to the sun - which shown on his face – it seemed for only him – his body relaxing – he seemed to laugh and shake his head in humorous disbelief - breathing deeply he closed his eyes – all seemed at peace - then as if a loud noise had distracted him his eyes opened pensively appearing to see an image in his mind – he was remembering something - his face showed a look of panic - he jerked and winced then the angered tears - and his howled and pained voice broke the silence so that some inside looked out.

Feeling his response of his families much deserved rest in his arms – David pushed back – ever so slowly – looking deeply into the eyes of Susan and each of the children and said – “We’re so fortunate that God has given us back to each other” – all agreed.

They all laughed – David shaking his head in mocking disbelief – then his eyes returned to the man . . .who was now crying silently . . David look back at everyone said – “Tell you want - you guys have some of this great healthy food – ok?” . . . glancing up again at the man . .which made Susan, Sarah, Ronny and Nate look out the window too . . . they immediately understood the scene. .spontaneously they all looked back at David who was transfixed on the man . . . he felt his family’s eyes on him – he looked at them and said “I’ll be right back” . . . everyone understood.

David walked out of the dining area seeming to disappear and reappear suddenly standing next to the man on the bench. David’s face was given over as was his full attention to this stranger in pain.

“Hey” he said in a soft and gentle voice . . . patiently waiting while being with this one with his head in his hands.

The man looked up . . .a bit dazed that anyone was there . . . “Hey” - he responded – wiping his nose and laughing slightly – “Hay fever” . . both laughing at the pun – they smiled at each other as their eyes met.

The man saw David see him and understand his pain saying – “shit . . I fucked up again. . and I am so scared”

“I can’t fucking do this, man – you know – I can’t . . . .fuck . . Fuck . . FUCK!!”

“Yeah, I get the fuck part” David said supportively – feeling his own wound still just healing.

As they gazed at each other – time seemed to stop – the man on the bench saw David, not as an other, but as himself – and like a vision, he saw himself standing there clean and sober – he saw the strength and presence that were only a distant memory of another life time.

David reached out, placing his hand on the man’s shoulder, never breaking eye contact. . . saying with a strong grip on the mans shoulder . . . “ I understand” . . . consciously pausing “I truly understand - 6 months ago I was you . . . and what I am about to say will sound crazy right now – but you are about to have one of the most meaningful, honest, real and healing times of your life”

The man in the moment relaxed – he felt and understood David clearly and consciously . . . then . . .like a violent explosion had erupted in the mans head . . jumping to his feet . . . backing up almost tripping on his Army bag - causing him to spin around. . . falsely intuiting that David was gay and was possibly coming on to him said. “you don’t understand me - you don't even fucking know me, man – you have never seen me before – back up man”

David with a glimmer in his eye and a brief recollection of his moment with Ron in his kitchen said.

“Right . . . sorry…say registration is over there . . . good luck.” and turned and walked away.

Seeing Susan and the kids up the drive – he immediately was joyous and jogged up to meet them – they were standing next to the rental SUV which was all packed with camping gear.

Once everyone was in the car David pulled out a map and said “Where to?”

Susan reaching out her hand to David’s - looking deeply into his face – fully aware of the ordeal and process David and everyone had lived through over the last year said

“It doesn’t matter . . . we’re all back together now. . .we trust you . . .you choose.”